Tuesday, September 28, 2010

That's the third one this week; the rounding team keeps tripping over them

"The patient stated that the pain was like stabbing.  He was killed over on  the floor."

(Dictated: "... he was keeled over on the floor...")

Thursday, September 23, 2010

With friends like this you don't need enemies...

(... but you might need psych meds).

"He is currently living with his skull friend."

("living with his girl friend" was dictated, sort of).

Speech Wreck knows more than you do

"Pneumovax is not safe." 

My goodness. I'll just send this important news out over the Internets, and we'll all be safer soon. Thanks, Speech Wreck!

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Voice Recognition, Scottish style

A hilarious take on the horrors of letting Speech Wreck take charge of an elevator. (Mildly NSFW due to one slightly naughty outburst... --oh, and there's an irritating laugh track, too.)

Thursday, September 16, 2010

In other developments...

"He then developed the development of leukocytosis."

Speech Wreck and found poetry

See, what happened is, this resident was dictating and hung up, somehow, but what he had actually done was put himself on hold. And, as also happens from time to time, the institution's recorded on-hold marketing spiel took over  the call. Which was being sent to the Speech Wreck server. 

For 36 minutes. Well, there was a little music, too. But mostly spiel. Over and over.

Speech Wreck didn't know quite what to do with the repetitive marketing spiel, so it created from it a rather fine postmodern existential poem. (I helped it with the formatting, 'cause poetry is important). The poem is about tongues, and Illinois (please note: The facility is not in Illinois), but that's just the surface stuff. Mostly it's about goals. And about being oriented. 

After you read this your goal will be to become oriented in Illinois. This is my dream.

00000 time a at 
in the oriented goals 
UA he time is a 0 lingual 
and really in the oriented goals 
outlined U the 90 he time and the lingual and is lingula 
in the oriented goals 
lying in the a UI time the OU but lingual and Illinois 
in the oriented goals 
MI in the UAUI spine strain use the O, but lingual and Illinois 
oriented bolus 
outlined in the AU she I spine strain use the ULO sublingual 
at goals 
and U she is in a UIO spine strain the ULO lingual 
and in the or goals 
and UAUI this time use the ULO lingual and 
he U oriented goals 
and EAU she IO this time. 
She the O lingual and, I, 

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Who knew it was so dangerous?

".... Will continue high risk oxygen and vancomycin."

Might want to call the lawyer first. Just sayin'. (Dictated was "hyperbaric oxygen").

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Today is Dada-Day

(Every day should be Dada-day, really. Anyway:)

Dictating on the roof of the heart. She can generate thank you changes in her states. Cups to do what we have to the medics; research the discretion of the disk. Nature to see him out. Platelets of 290,000 with a normal death. Share in a crack boot for antiquite ill, Asian ambulating in my catheter. Pulmonary movements are slow and low. Except the patient does have a bad crack.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Another strange obsession

... sometimes it's beer. This time it's a whimsical interest in the name "Michael." And bilingual, too! 

"I closed it with Michael in the subcu." 

"Chest x-ray reveals evidence of Miguel abnormalities."