And don't call me Shirley!

Speech Wreck inadvertently served up a timely little memorial to Leslie Nielsen today: 


"Shirley. The patient has had a prodrome of diarrhea for weeks, but more concerning is the onset of fever and epigastric pain..."




(Dictated was, "Surely, the patient has had...")

(R.I.P., Mr Nielsen, and thanks for so many laughs...)

It sucks to be him

"He is allergic to diltiazem, oxygen, and prednisone."

That's the third one this week; the rounding team keeps tripping over them

"The patient stated that the pain was like stabbing.  He was killed over on  the floor."



(Dictated: "... he was keeled over on the floor...")

The patient will be admitted to the S&M floor

". . . the pain has completely resolved at this time, and is nonreproducible by pleasure or movement."

Syllables, schmyllables

And then there's the unfortunate patient who underwent "dilation and cutterage."


Um, ouch?

"Like a Surgeon," woo-woo-woo....

ER report, middle-aged lady:


"She apparently has been set up to be a virgin, but not until next week."




I don't even know where to begin, so I'll just tell you that what he dictated was "...to see a surgeon." Ow. My diaphragm hurts. Good thing I don't need it to do my work.  

Well, 10 shouldn't have percussed it

"The abdomen is distended, 10 panic to percussion." 


Serves them right.




(... dictated was "tympanitic" to percussion)

What's THAT doing there, Part Deux

"The placenta was then easily explanted from the pocket."  


. . . the problem is, it's a pacemaker placement, and the patient is elderly and rather, well, male.  


(dictated was "pulse generator")

First, do no harm

Dictated:  "Verapamil 360 mg daily."

Draft:  "Shrapnel 360 mg daily."