Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Dr Obvious is overworked

"...Mr. O'Dee admitted to taking a bottle of Sominex and a whole bottle of Seize-Away tablets. He did not die directly from the overdose and woke up hours later, vomited several times..." 

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Care was taken to avoid sticking the elbow into Arkansas

"I examined the elbow preoperatively . . . showing  significant medial instability and Tennessee subluxation."

(Dictated, also not so grammatically, "... tendency to subluxation")

Monday, June 28, 2010

Dr Obvious' partner, Dr Vague, is on call today

"He began smoking 60 years ago. He smokes 3 per day."

Three what? Cigarettes? Packs? Cartons? Racks of ribs? Pipes of opium?

Sunday, June 27, 2010

When you do that voodoo that you do

"She was undergoing CyberKnife radiation therapy to her left foot for lung cancer." 

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Where were they taking him again?

". . . they have elected to transport him to home and to have home hospice at home." 

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

And now, a word from Dr Obvious

Today's post is not a speech wreck or blooper, it's...just... well, see for yourself. Lisagg writes in: 

... Dr. Thoracic is dictating a trauma procedure note. 

He has given me the diagnosis of a stab wound, the assistant, the anesthesia, and then goes on to say:

"Complications: Death."


(Thanks, Lisa!)

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

the truth hurts--a lot

"He was being taken apart in physical therapy."

Monday, June 21, 2010

Monday quiz: Speech WRx!

1. Wrap the male  
2. back stress 
3. A fight 
4. fluffs in a pro 
5. both parents 
6. leaflet bed 

1. verapamil
2. Bextra
3. Mephyton
4. fosinopril
5. Voltaren
6. Levbid

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Sunday is Fun-Day

--Fun With Names, that is: 

Dr. Lives with Sticks  (is his partner Dr. Runs With Scissors?)

Dr. Teeny Symptoms

Teary Keep Hospital 

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Speech Wreck 1, cultural norms 0

 "The patient is going to be admitted to a medical bed with his sister."

(Dictated:  "The patient is going to be admitted to a medical bed with a sitter")

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

It's Dada-day!

She had irritable jobs including waitress at home. The patient is smiling at the insertion department, where she had a grand mal seizure. She was hypoxemic and required a bobcat. The patient went right into her shoes. White count is within the gnome, to go to Korea on her fee. She had brownish posturing root,  therein lived in a convent entrance. Mole warm and gestation more. I have instructed the patient that she should no longer thrive at this time.  

(Explanation of the genesis of Speech Wreck Dadaism here).

At least she wasn't driving

How to tell if a doc is dictating on a cell phone in the car:

"PLAN: As described above please look at the road the patient is discharged to home."

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Speech Wreck has fallen and can't get up

This poor man fell down an embankment, but Speech Wreck can't seem to deal with it. We get 

"...male status post fall done in pigment." 

Later we get: 

" ...male status post fall done in a bag." 

Monday, June 14, 2010

Poor guy--all that spinach didn't help him after all

"... I have contacted Cardiology for their input regarding Popeye's possibility of congestive heart failure."

Some say it's more effective to smoke it...

"Reefer rest drops in each eye b.i.d."

(Dictated: "Refresh drops...") 

We hope it works... we don't want to see the painful kind

"She should also continue to have 150 mg of pain-free water 5 times a day."

Monday, June 7, 2010

This patient's historian was, apparently, a fruit fly

Funny how speech wreck seems to have themes on some days. Today's theme must be strange historians.

"This history was obtained from her daughter, who is visiting from a banana." 

("... visiting from Atlanta.")

...and she has never felt quite well since

"She is followed by Dr. malaise."

Source of information: Fluffy

"She reports that she has been eating and drinking well, and this is all confirmed by her cat."

(Dictated was, "...confirmed by her aunt." I swear I do not make this crap up).

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

I guess the kid could draw him a nice picture of an iceberg

"We will control his temperature with Tylenol, cooling blanket, artistic son as needed."

(Dictated: "...Arctic Sun as needed.")

It's what they mean by "aggressive treatment"

"Distress. Attack."

(Dictated: "Distal neurovascular exam is intact.")

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Hey, man, that's kind of personal

"Little balls, 50 mL."

(Dictated: "Estimated blood loss 50 mL")