Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Sunday, September 1, 2013

MEDICATIONS ON ADMISSION:   Please refer to her menorah.

("...refer to her MAR")

Who permitted the canines to escape? Who? Who?

In an H&P on a patient who fell:  "... she tripped on the leash while ambulating the dog."

Seriously? Ambulating the dog?

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

No flies on him!

In med list: 

Terminex 1 mg daily. 

(Dictated: "Arimidex 1 mg a day...")

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Sounds efficacious, but the name needs work

(In med list) "Psych out from 40 mg p.o. daily."

(Dictated: "Citalopram...", pronounced like "sight-all-o-pram". Go figure).

Monday, June 24, 2013

On review of systems: "She denies headache, fever or loss of the way."

(Dictated: "... loss of weight.")

Pessimistic Discharge Instructions Dept.

Discharge instructions: "...No lifting or bending or anything along those lines, at least until this improves, or until he is deceased."

no heavy lifting t-shirts

(Dictated: "Until...released.")

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Aggressive treatment

In med list: "She attacked 10 mg." 

(Dictated: "Zyrtec 10 mg.")

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Kids these days.

"PULMONARY EXAM: He states he feels like there is a cat in his son." 

It happens. You just have to accept it...

(... dictated "catch in his lungs") 

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Life? Don't talk to me about life.

"He presents for evaluation of his life."

(Dictated: "... with his wife.")

Also, the source for the caption's quote

Well, I just bet you are!

(in list of routine outpatient meds:) 

"I am delighted." 

(...dictated med was "IM Dilaudid 40 mg q.4 h, whoa!)

Friday, April 5, 2013

Off-label use?

[Male patient in his 60s, in for GI issues]

"I have performed a CT scan of the abdomen and pelvis using oral contraceptive per the NG tube..."


(The other question is... how'd he get it down the tube? But never mind).

The differential includes fat rolls

"Assessment: ...Mild tight clothing and azotemia."

Dictated: "... mild hyponatremia.")

Monday, March 18, 2013

Is that where that parting-the-Red Sea thing came from?

(In description of informed consent for upcoming surgery):  

"... The risks discussed included... deep venous Moses." 

(...deep venous thrombosis.") 

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Someone needs to have a word with Nursing

"... her mucus has changed to a yellow colorthough her call bell is not very productive."

(...her cough is not very productive...")

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

This could be, uh, taken the wrong way

[in a preop H&P for ortho surgery]: ... "Mrs Patient has a network of friends who will assist with her care after discharge as well as her husband." 

It's all about the clauses, folks.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

That's gonna be tough to pre-certify

of left leg aliens."

Well, that's no big deal. It's the chest aliens that have a tendency to excise themselves, if you know what I mean and I think you do. 

Dictated: "... excision of left ganglion cyst." 

Monday, January 7, 2013

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Must have been a helluva party!

"The patient states she slept on a wet dance floor last night."

("... she slipped on a wet dance floor..."

Happy New Year!