Tuesday, August 31, 2010

She's asymptomatic, but I have a headache now

"I told her she is having asymptomatic symptoms."

Thanks for clearing that up.

Monday, August 30, 2010

Are you a good witch, or a bad witch?

"I am going to send her home with Glinda."

Oh, man, I hope the ruby slippers are still in the patient-belongings plastic bag thingie.

("There's no place like home... no place like home... " BTW, he dictated the silly doc-invented non-word "clinda," so he got what he deserved).

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Colonoscopy is teh awesome!

"Total cool endoscopy to the cecum and terminal ileum."

Only Speech Wreck would think it's cool to have a medical instrument shoved up your... oh, never mind. 

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Don't leave home without it

"She has her husband and her gallbladder at her bedside to offer support."

(Dictated: "... adult daughter...) Thanks to LG for this awesome Wreck.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Pleasant patient is pleasant!

"Mr Oldguy is a pleasant gentleman who appears somewhat confused but pleasant." 

Monday, August 23, 2010

Monday is Fun-Day

Fun With Names, that is. Let's see what we've got today:

  • Pity the poor fellow whose name, apparently, is "Robert Underwear Fluids."

  • "Dr. might go walls" of orthopedic surgery.

  • "Dr Bender Clot."

... And, oh dear, there's so much that could be said about a guy named. . .  "All-terrain Johnson."

(Like, if only, instead, the poor guy had an all-terrain brain...)

Thursday, August 19, 2010

This patient should really get out more

"The patient is seen today in the context of an outpatient fever and no ladies and jaundice."

(..."elevated LFTs and jaundice," but how boring is that).

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

You think maybe he should go with just the VapoRub?

(Patient with cold symptoms, etc.)  "He has tried toxin and VapoRub OTC."

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Elitist bacteria

"...Esoteric coli sepsis."

Not for us common folk! (Thanks to T.J. for both wreck and caption).

Monday, August 16, 2010

Dr Obvious is in the house again, reminding us that gravity is still the law

"This gentleman fell 20 feet off a scaffolding on a construction project earlier today. He landed below."

Sunday, August 15, 2010

That's odd; usually they have the opposite problem

"She has noted feeling sad and anatomic."

p.s. If you, too, think this hoodie is pretty cool, go here.

(Dictated: "... sad and anhedonic...")

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Dr Obvious is in the house

"Chief complaint: Motor vehicle accident prior to arrival." 


(In social history): "He rubs with his wife."

It's good to know he doesn't rub alone; that would be weird. 

(Dictated: "He arrives with his wife").

Speech WRx--The All-Inhaler Edition!

1. Format motor humor 
2. Forward a little bit Carol Weiser** 
3. T-max twisting  
4. Spy Reeve 

1. formoterol fumarate 
2. Foradil Aerolizer 
3. Asmanex Twisthaler
4. Spiriva
** (note: This "name" came along as part of the random speech wreck; nothing to do with a real patient's name!)

Monday, August 9, 2010

Optimism is overrated

"He may return to the emergency department on an as-needed basis, versus not survive."

Sunday, August 8, 2010

He presents accompanied by guacamole

"The patient also states that he is chili all the time."

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Poor Speech is a Nerf-ous wreck

"The patient will also be on amitriptyline for insomnia, but also for Nerf modulating effects. . ." 

Poor thing. Nerf stuff used to be sorta innocuous and squishy,

But now? Now Nerf has gone all weaponized and paramilitary. Note the kid's expression. No wonder she needs help sleeping. 


Tuesday, August 3, 2010

So much depends. . .

(Let's see if anybody gets it. The pic is a clue...)

"...Possible barrow reflex failure." 

(Dictated: "... possible baroreflex failure") 

Monday, August 2, 2010

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Was that rare, medium or well done?

"He was hemodynamically a steak, alert, and awake upon arrival."