Which one of you surgeons rolled this poor guy up?

"The patient will unroll in cardiac rehab." 

Cat control in the OR: A slippery problem

(In an op note) "... 25% increased difficulty secondary to large cat." 




You have to wonder: Does the size of the cat really matter? I mean, it's a  frigging cat. How you gonna code that?  

Sometimes he even puts wine in it

"He drinks a wineglass every night."





(Mmmm, crunchy.)

Yep, boys, she's got it all

"...Her mother is age 54 and has her entire apparatus."

(I don't want to say anything further to spoil the beauty of this wreck. It just cries out for a semi-naughty picture of Mae West, though, doesn't it? Even though I doubt ole Mae was ever a mother. As such.)

And if they found him, then what?

The patient had x-rays of his foot to evaluate for Osceola.

(dictated was "... for osteo," obviously. 

I can't make this stuff up, folks. 

But Speech Wreck can!)

I just met a graft named Maria

"... autologous bone graft harvested from the hip using Maria."


..."and suddenly this pain
will never be the same
to meeee...." 
Sorry. I've said it before: Sometimes I can't help myself. 

(Dictated was, "...using the RIA..."  easier than using a character from a half-century old musical. Probably.)

Why? What did they do?

"She had exoneration of her frontal sinuses."

(Yes, I know that technically, it should be, "what were they accused of?" Shoo, grammar Nazis! Shoo!)

That's a strange expression, Bruce

"She also had a tuberous to loosen her Cleese."

("... a tubeless enteroclysis"). 

This cost-cutting is out of control

"Labs drawn at a truck mechanic hospital..."

He's not any good, but at least he's cheap

"The patient sees Bill Localguy, failure practitioner, for primary care."

(Dictated: "... family nurse practitioner...")