No bacon for you!

"The patient states he had no more hogs or problems since the early 80s."

(Dictated: "...no more heart problems...")

Don't be the problem, be the solution

"The patient is a normally dissolved female who is currently resting in the bed."

(Or is she the precipitate? Yes, Horse is still a science geek at heart.  Dictated was: ..."normally developed...)

You'll find it in the last place you look, you know

"MRI of the brain was performed to relocate this patient's brain."

(Dictate was "re-look at," which makes me grind my teeth, but never mind).

I think we're gonna need a bigger drill

"POSTOPERATIVE DIAGNOSIS: Dinosaurs caries."

(From a Peds. dentistry note--"early childhood caries").

If that's your chief complaint, geddouttahere

"She is widowed and is tired."

Gone fishin'

"The patient confirms some piscatory preoccupation and delusional thinking." 

(For fishermen, aren't those two the same thing? . . . Dictated was "persecutory preoccupation...")