Get me a rifle stat! Squirrel stew tonight

"Sputum Gram stain showed many neutrophils, few squirrel."






(He started to dictate "squamous" but stopped, so obviously "squirrel" was a perfect fit).

Happy Medical Transcriptionist Week

... to all of you. I've been wanting to try my hand at making my own Extranormal video, and what better time than this week? 


So here's my gift for all of you toiling out there in the belly of the beast: 

Enjoy! 

Surgery vs Radiology--Video o' the Week

How do we explain this to Infection Control?

"He has had some episodes of diarrhea . . . he feels it may be related to his nurse."




(Dictated: "... related to his nerves." Thanks to SO!).

This is why we can't have nice things

"The patient has been omitted by Cardiology." 





("...admitted by...")

Those darn uncooperative patients

(On neurologic exam, cerebellar testing): "... The patient is not cooperative with heel-to-nose." 

Evolution of doctors' handwriting

Yeah, not a speech wreck, but it has to do with communication in medicine, so I say it counts. Source. 

A slow night in the ER

"This is a healthy-appearing 60-year-old white male sitting upright in the nurse in the emergency room bed."





(Move along now, nothing to see here.) 

No one bothers with thorough physical exam any more

 

"The right lower extremity is currently splinted, and the foot was not removed for examination." 

Doesn't look that comfortable, really

"The patient was placed in a sling and sloth for comfort."



(Sling and swathe, we hope).

Math: Ur Doin It Wrong

Dr Obvious is in the house! "Family history: Both parents are deceased." 


Umm...yeah.  The patient is 95.



(I know what he was trying to do... but, well, something like "noncontributory in this nonagenarian" is a bit less facepalm-worthy). 

Not at all hard to swallow

"... Mr Gladpatient is also on cocaine 6 tabs b.i.d."


("Why, yes, our census is very high just now. Why do you ask?"







(Dictated was "coconut oil.")

She delivered a healthy china teacup

"He was born via spontaneous fragile delivery." 










("...vaginal delivery," of course. People don't actually give birth to dishware. What's the matter with you?)

We found the lost continent of Atlantis, though

"CT scan of the head is negative ... There  is no evidence of Malaysia." 




(Dictated: "... no encephalomalacia.")

Desperate doctors

"The patient was discussed with Dr Hospitalist, who is in agreement to suicide."






("... agreement with the plan" was dictated. No clue where Speech Wreck got "suicide"... maybe it's emo).

Best. Speech WRx. Evar.

... at least, until the next best one: 


"Sphincteroid." 





(Dictated:  Synthroid. Thanks to T.J. for this lovely Wreck!). 

Night shift in the Department of Redundancy Department

"She had a frontal headache in the front." 

Prescription and capsule criticism all in one!

"Spurious inhalation 1 q.a.m." 








("Spiriva inhaler" was dictated.)

Which one of you surgeons rolled this poor guy up?

"The patient will unroll in cardiac rehab." 

Cat control in the OR: A slippery problem

(In an op note) "... 25% increased difficulty secondary to large cat." 




You have to wonder: Does the size of the cat really matter? I mean, it's a  frigging cat. How you gonna code that?