No flies on him!

In med list: 

Terminex 1 mg daily. 




(Dictated: "Arimidex 1 mg a day...")

Off-label use?

[Male patient in his 60s, in for GI issues]

"I have performed a CT scan of the abdomen and pelvis using oral contraceptive per the NG tube..."




(The other question is... how'd he get it down the tube? But never mind).

Anybody know where his new clothes are?

"He was imperially treated with Rocephin." 

Whoa. Is it that concierge medicine we've been hearing about? 




(dictated: "... empirically treated...")

DO NOT WANT

"I ordered 250 mg of Rocephin IM and 100 mg of Chlamydia."

Alternative medicine? Cost cutting? Who knows?

"For now, we will give her a one-time dose of 40 mg IV Lasix and well water."





 (Dictated: "... dose of 40 mg IV Lasix and will order...[some other stuff]..."

Doesn't look that comfortable, really

"The patient was placed in a sling and sloth for comfort."



(Sling and swathe, we hope).

Not at all hard to swallow

"... Mr Gladpatient is also on cocaine 6 tabs b.i.d."


("Why, yes, our census is very high just now. Why do you ask?"







(Dictated was "coconut oil.")

That's a strange expression, Bruce

"She also had a tuberous to loosen her Cleese."

("... a tubeless enteroclysis"). 

Doc has a gift for understatement

"The arm and wrist were removed and there was noted to be stability of the joint."

tough love

"The patient will be kicked in the chest pain observation unit overnight."

Hurry, or you'll never catch them!

"She has IV fluid running at 125 miles an hour."

You think maybe he should go with just the VapoRub?

(Patient with cold symptoms, etc.)  "He has tried toxin and VapoRub OTC."

Can you have too much of a good thing?

". . .generous general endotracheal anesthesia."

Is there a mouse in the house?

"... consider adding another medication to help stabilize his behavior, such as cheese."

When you do that voodoo that you do

"She was undergoing CyberKnife radiation therapy to her left foot for lung cancer." 

the truth hurts--a lot

"He was being taken apart in physical therapy."

We hope it works... we don't want to see the painful kind

"She should also continue to have 150 mg of pain-free water 5 times a day."

I guess the kid could draw him a nice picture of an iceberg

"We will control his temperature with Tylenol, cooling blanket, artistic son as needed."




(Dictated: "...Arctic Sun as needed.")

Don't tase me, doc

"Critical care taser this patient...."


Well, that's one way to stabilize 'em. Oh, wait....

(Dictated: "Critical care time for this patient...")

Dang it, Doc, I still can't see

"She is status post cataract with a rock year-old lens." 


("... intraocular lens.")