A unifying diagnosis will be challenging

"He has had 2 prior stents and no sex."

Maybe they're trying a new type of cardiac rehab. You never know.

Those darn patients, always with the drama

"This elderly female has dramatic heart disease." 

(Dictated was "rheumatic heart disease"... much less dramatic)

This might raise a few eyebrows over at the pharmacy

In med list: "Narcotic 800 mg q.d."


(Dictated: "garlic...")

Dr Obvious: He knows more than you do

"The patient was born in Localtown, to her biological parents." 

Glad we cleared that up. Because sometimes, people are born to... wait, never mind. 

Department of Dental Redundancy Department

"ASSESSMENT: 1) Toothache. 2) Dental pain."

I'm not as think as you drunk I am

"The patient had ultrasound used to guide the placement of her wine." 

There might be a problem with this EEG

"The background consisted of 20 to 40 microvolts, to death." 

We're gonna need a bigger brace

This just in: Healthcare benefits extended to tall buildings!


"The patient wears elastic braces on his 28th floor."

(Dictated: "...braces on his knees for....")

The doctor will see you now, Mrs Bass

"This is a very pleasant 62-year-old widemouth female."

(Dictated: "...white female...")

Dr Obvious attends to detail

"The patient lives in Nearby County with his wife, who is still living, and is currently present in the room."

(It's good that she is still living, as zombies aren't yet included in the hospital's Infection Control plan.)  

Oh, speech wreck, you so silly

"FAMILY HISTORY: Gore."

Dictated: "Family history noncontributory." Perfectly clear dictation. Why did "gore" appear instead? We are not to know, my friend.

No bacon for you!

"The patient states he had no more hogs or problems since the early 80s."

(Dictated: "...no more heart problems...")

Don't be the problem, be the solution

"The patient is a normally dissolved female who is currently resting in the bed."

(Or is she the precipitate? Yes, Horse is still a science geek at heart.  Dictated was: ..."normally developed...)

You'll find it in the last place you look, you know

"MRI of the brain was performed to relocate this patient's brain."

(Dictate was "re-look at," which makes me grind my teeth, but never mind).

I think we're gonna need a bigger drill

"POSTOPERATIVE DIAGNOSIS: Dinosaurs caries."

(From a Peds. dentistry note--"early childhood caries").

If that's your chief complaint, geddouttahere

"She is widowed and is tired."

Gone fishin'

"The patient confirms some piscatory preoccupation and delusional thinking." 

(For fishermen, aren't those two the same thing? . . . Dictated was "persecutory preoccupation...")

Sunday Speech WRx

Latest batch of Speech WRx. They all appeared in draft medication lists, just as you see them below. See if you can guess 'em all. The last one is pretty obscure, so you should just give up.

1. Back to now

2. for a valid 

3. awoke again

4. clipped a real 

5. climbs up 

6. travels first  

7. Pus drained 

8. than the mouth pain 

ANSWERS

1. Actonel

2. chlorthalidone

3. amlodipine

4. clopidogrel

5. clonazepam

6. travoprost

7. Fosrenol

8. bendamustine

Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

"She has a burning IUD in place."

(Dictated: "... a Mirena IUD in place.")

Twittering

... Yeah, so I've caved . . . Never one to be hasty, I've given in after a mere year and a half of horsing around here and gone on Twitter. Why? I have no idea. The blue birdie button's over in the right-hand column somewhere. It's mostly going to be posts from this blog; not sure if I'll be adding anything more... you never know.  But feel free to, you know, retweet, or whatever people do.