Sunday Speech WRx

Latest batch of Speech WRx. They all appeared in draft medication lists, just as you see them below. See if you can guess 'em all. The last one is pretty obscure, so you should just give up.

1. Back to now

2. for a valid 

3. awoke again

4. clipped a real 

5. climbs up 

6. travels first  

7. Pus drained 

8. than the mouth pain 

ANSWERS

1. Actonel

2. chlorthalidone

3. amlodipine

4. clopidogrel

5. clonazepam

6. travoprost

7. Fosrenol

8. bendamustine

Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

"She has a burning IUD in place."

(Dictated: "... a Mirena IUD in place.")

Twittering

... Yeah, so I've caved . . . Never one to be hasty, I've given in after a mere year and a half of horsing around here and gone on Twitter. Why? I have no idea. The blue birdie button's over in the right-hand column somewhere. It's mostly going to be posts from this blog; not sure if I'll be adding anything more... you never know.  But feel free to, you know, retweet, or whatever people do. 

  

Taking 'sympathy pain' too far

"The patient and his wife were both resting comfortably following Dilaudid."

(Thanks to VR for this one. Finally got around to it).

I'd be uncomfortable too

"A very uncomfortable female. She looks like a kidney stone." 

(See, what happened was, while I was looking for a normal boring image of a kidney stone, I found this picture of a kidney stone with William Shatner's face. This is much better, don't you think? No, I'm not going to explain it; you'll have to google that yourself.)

Baron Munchausen, the doctor will see you now

"...the latter diagnosis is less likely, as the patient is not exhibiting the full consolation of symptoms." 

(Dictated: "...constellation of symptoms."

I'm feeling bad because I totally missed International Munchausen Day, but at least it provided us with this awesomely bizarre illustration).

Beer. It's what's for dinner.

"The patient underwent paracentesis with 2 beers taken off."

(... 2 liters taken off. Of course, the procedure was for alcohol-related cirrhosis, so we can squeeze a few more snickers out of it. We're pathetic). 

Teacher teacher I declare

"Eye movements are conjugate and full, with some psychotic intrusions on her student." 

(Dictated: "...with some saccadic intrusions in pursuit...")

Of Speech Wreck, Censorship and iPhones

There's a whole world of speech recognition software and hardware and apps and stuff going on out there, in case you weary delvers in the medical dungeons hadn't noticed. 


So I thought I'd share this delightful blog post with you; though not new, this matter of the Dragon iPhone app censoring its users was new to me, which is just as good. And the post is funny and well-written (and despite the subject matter, completely SFW, not that you'd be reading this at work, you scoundrel). 

Plumber, heal thyself

"He has worked as a plumber but is currently unable to void."

(Dictated: He has worked as a plumber but is currently unemployed.)


Thanks to the ever-helpful JP for both the wreck and the caption!.

Blah, blah, blah... (yawn), blah... wait, WTF?

"Hypokalemia may be mediated by her hydrochlorothiazide. I would expect her lisinopril to kill her."

(Dictated was "expect her lisinopril to counter...")

Dr Obvious is in the house

... or maybe it was just too soon after watching Hitchcock's "Psycho":

"Social history: The patient takes care of his mother.

*  *  *  

Family history: The patient's mother is still living."

 

Not a speech wreck. Just to keep you on your toes. 

Yeah, we've got an outbreak of that here, too

"Patient also has a diagnosis of ringed nose phenomenon."

(Approaching pandemic? ... Thanks to V.R. for this one!) 

Doc has a gift for understatement

"The arm and wrist were removed and there was noted to be stability of the joint."

In Soviet Russia, speech wrecks you!

"Mr. Xxxxovich is a pleasant elderly male from unbearable Russia."

It could be worse. I think.

"He lives with his wife, who is still living, but who also has some health problems." 

Fun With Names, It's Been Too Long edition

Yeah, it has been a long time, hasn't it? 



Dr Bronco Rhonchi 


Dr. Rub Steroid 


Dr. Scatterbrain


Dr. Is Not In 


CONSULTING PHYSICIANS: Dr. Are Not, Dr. Already Well 



 ...and we have found just the right facility for all these guys:


Failure Medical Center 

tough love

"The patient will be kicked in the chest pain observation unit overnight."

Umm... might want to try a different specialist

"He had no response of his wide-complex tachycardia to a dentist in the emergency department." 

(Dictated: "... to adenosine...")

It's probably not contagious

... Culture positive for gram-positive cockeye.