She's asymptomatic, but I have a headache now

"I told her she is having asymptomatic symptoms."

Thanks for clearing that up.

Are you a good witch, or a bad witch?

"I am going to send her home with Glinda."


Oh, man, I hope the ruby slippers are still in the patient-belongings plastic bag thingie.

("There's no place like home... no place like home... " BTW, he dictated the silly doc-invented non-word "clinda," so he got what he deserved).

Colonoscopy is teh awesome!

"Total cool endoscopy to the cecum and terminal ileum."

Only Speech Wreck would think it's cool to have a medical instrument shoved up your... oh, never mind. 

Don't leave home without it

"She has her husband and her gallbladder at her bedside to offer support."

(Dictated: "... adult daughter...) Thanks to LG for this awesome Wreck.

Pleasant patient is pleasant!

"Mr Oldguy is a pleasant gentleman who appears somewhat confused but pleasant." 

Monday is Fun-Day

Fun With Names, that is. Let's see what we've got today:

• Pity the poor fellow whose name, apparently, is "Robert Underwear Fluids."

• "Dr. might go walls" of orthopedic surgery.

• "Dr Bender Clot."

... And, oh dear, there's so much that could be said about a guy named. . .  "All-terrain Johnson."

(Like, if only, instead, the poor guy had an all-terrain brain...)

This patient should really get out more

"The patient is seen today in the context of an outpatient fever and no ladies and jaundice."


(..."elevated LFTs and jaundice," but how boring is that).

You think maybe he should go with just the VapoRub?

(Patient with cold symptoms, etc.)  "He has tried toxin and VapoRub OTC."

Elitist bacteria

"...Esoteric coli sepsis."


Not for us common folk! (Thanks to T.J. for both wreck and caption).

Dr Obvious is in the house again, reminding us that gravity is still the law

"This gentleman fell 20 feet off a scaffolding on a construction project earlier today. He landed below."

That's odd; usually they have the opposite problem

"She has noted feeling sad and anatomic."

p.s. If you, too, think this hoodie is pretty cool, go here.

(Dictated: "... sad and anhedonic...")

Dr Obvious is in the house

"Chief complaint: Motor vehicle accident prior to arrival." 

TMI

(In social history): "He rubs with his wife."


It's good to know he doesn't rub alone; that would be weird. 


(Dictated: "He arrives with his wife").

Speech WRx--The All-Inhaler Edition!

1. Format motor humor 
2. Forward a little bit Carol Weiser** 

3. T-max twisting  

4. Spy Reeve 

1. formoterol fumarate 

2. Foradil Aerolizer 

3. Asmanex Twisthaler

4. Spiriva

  

** (note: This "name" came along as part of the random speech wreck; nothing to do with a real patient's name!)

Optimism is overrated

"He may return to the emergency department on an as-needed basis, versus not survive."

He presents accompanied by guacamole

"The patient also states that he is chili all the time."

Can you have too much of a good thing?

". . .generous general endotracheal anesthesia."

Poor Speech is a Nerf-ous wreck

"The patient will also be on amitriptyline for insomnia, but also for Nerf modulating effects. . ." 

Poor thing. Nerf stuff used to be sorta innocuous and squishy,

But now? Now Nerf has gone all weaponized and paramilitary. Note the kid's expression. No wonder she needs help sleeping. 

 

So much depends. . .

(Let's see if anybody gets it. The pic is a clue...)

"...Possible barrow reflex failure." 




(Dictated: "... possible baroreflex failure") 

She can't hear well and it's pissing her off

"... decreased hearing in the right kidney."

Was that rare, medium or well done?

"He was hemodynamically a steak, alert, and awake upon arrival."